Autogynephilia: cure or manage?

Autogynephilia or AGP, ‘a man’s propensity to be aroused by the thought or image of himself as a woman’ is one of the two possible causes of Gender Dysphoria. It is the cause of all non-homosexual Gender Dysphoria in males. It is completely different in nature from Homosexual Gender Dysphoria (HGD), which leads to Homosexual Transsexualism or HSTS. This article only discusses AGP, the men affected by it and possible treatment strategies. None of will apply to HSTS or HGD. I have written this in response to an increasing number of requests on my website and my YouTube channel, in order to try to help.

Autogynephilia can be a massively debilitating condition that may completely disrupt the life of the subject and his family. It can lead to depression, suicidality, alcoholism and a range of other disorders. It frequently results, especially in the Western profile, in loss of career, family, home and in financial ruin. Divorce and estrangement from wife and children are commonplace. People close to the subject are invariably traumatised by an adult transition and there is simply no support for them. There is absolutely no doubt that Autogynephilia is real and devastating.

There is no cure for autogynephilia that I am aware of. A major problem with developing one is that those affected by the condition would have to actually recognise that they had a disorder for any treatment to have a hope of success. But AGPs are habitually in denial, especially in the overt stages of the condition. They go to extreme lengths to deny the very existence of the condition, or that they are subject to it. Worse, they are encouraged in this by ignorant professionals and ‘therapists’ who are not doctors or psychologists and who do not understand the condition.

Transition is much vaunted as a ‘cure’ but that could only be for those who wish to do so; persuading AGPs to follow this path is clearly unethical. Yet I routinely receive communications from men who tell me that they are hectored on to the ‘transition express train’ even by real doctors. There can’t be any justification for such behaviour.

The unethical nature of this policy is especially so since we do not know the actual success of transition in AGPs, in therapeutic terms, since the AGP lobby actively tries to block any such research, an aim in which it is succeeding.

In an act of utter cowardice, universities have acquiesced and research has practically stopped now.

Earlier this year, Bath University axed a research project, which had previously been approved, that aimed to establish a reliable baseline for AGP desistance (detransition). The University withdrew its support in case it might ’cause upset’ in the ‘trans community’. Imagine if psychopaths demanded we stop researching psychopathy for fear of hurting their feelings!

Causes

There might be an innate propensity towards AGP, which manifests in pre-pubertal autogynephilic arousal. This shows as ‘crushes’ on the self as a girl. Other evidence suggests that events at or around the time of puberty may have triggered the condition. These seem to be associated with very early masturbation and orgasmic experiences.

In other cases, AGPs have reported a strict upbringing wherein masturbation was forcefully opposed as something that only ‘dirty little boys’ did. It would seem simple to conclude that the subject might have got round this opprobrium by imagining himself as a girl, rather than a boy. Others used plush animals and somehow this became connected to the sense of self as a girl. (Exactly how this mechanism works is not clear but it seems to be something like ‘masturbating using a girl’s toy makes me a girl’ — and autogynephilia does the rest.)

In other cases, it is clear that porn was implicated. In the modern context there does seem to be a correlation between exposure to ‘shemale’ porn and AGP; here the porn seems to act like a trigger. Given that this form of porn is still increasing in popularity and if there is a such a correlation, it seems likely that AGP, either overt or covert, should continue to increase too. Again, however, research is next to impossible due to resistance from AGPs.

In one internet narrative, the subject explained that after discovering ‘shemale’ porn, he began to identify with the transwomen portrayed during his masturbation and so came to be aroused by the idea of himself as a transwoman. This then fuelled his transition as he desired to have sex with women, again, as a transwoman. This actually appears to be quite common.

This is certainly not a comprehensive list but just a sample; Dr Anne Lawrence’s ‘Men Trapped in Men’s Bodies’ is a must-read here. These potential triggers and propensities would not be mutually exclusive, of course; one characteristic of AGP is the huge array of variations it has.

Management

With no cure in sight and any attempt to find one being blocked by those it would help most, if you have AGP then your best recourse is to find a way to manage it. Ideally I would suggest psycho-analysis to explore what triggered the disorder, to begin with. Unfortunately, my correspondents tell me that finding such a therapist, who is not fully on board with the ‘transition express train’, can be extremely difficult. Some have even asserted that several therapists, instead of trying to help them manage and control the disorder, instead tried to get them to accept the inevitability of transition.

There is no such inevitability. Countless men have managed AGP throughout their lives, without transitioning.

How can it be managed?

For a person over 25 I would suggest that transition be an absolute last resort; even MtF HSTS, who are vastly more feminine, generally transition before that. This counter-indication just gets more severe, the older the subject. Creating a person who cannot pass successfully as a woman, and then calling that person one, causes as many problems as it might cure.

In terms of treatment, some clinicians report success using testosterone-suppressing drugs; but there are no widespread trials of this therapy. Again, this is because the AGP lobby has completely hijacked the debate and does its best to prevent any research into autogynephilia.

Orchiectomy

It is possible that orchiectomy (removal of the testes) might help relieve autogynephilic urges. It is likely this element of Genital Reconstruction Surgery (GRS), sometimes called ‘SRS’ or ‘sex change’ that provides some relief from AGP feelings, rather than the removal of the penis — although I would not expect a post-operative AGP to admit to that.

If this were to be carried out, however, it would be imperative to harvest and safely store sufficient samples of sperm to allow the subject to father children, if he later desisted. Once again, we have no real idea of desistance rates, post-surgery.  In addition, orchiectomy can lead to an increase in suicidality and, because AGPs are men, there is a higher risk of successful completion. One acquaintance of mine died in exactly this way, but it is far from rare. Orchiectomy would have to be approached with great care.

Controlling the mental urges

No autogynephilic male, anywhere, is a woman. Therefore, the obsession that he is must be a mental condition. It follows that techniques of mind-training might be useful, especially where the more conventional avenues of assistance have either failed or are a part of the ‘transition express train’.

If you are religious then you might talk to a priest. It’s unlikely that any of the Protestant denominations could help, but priests in the Catholic Church are generally better trained. Alternatively, consider investigating a religion that develops self-control, like Buddhism. Meditation, yoga, T’ai Chi and other methods may also help. All should be tried till one is found that works.

Autogynephilia, Narcissism, Addiction

Autogynephilia, in many ways, behaves exactly like narcotics addiction. Rewarding it releases endorphins which the body will increasingly crave. People who combine narcissistic personalities with addictive ones appear to be particularly prone to completely succumbing to the condition.

In a provocative study, “Narcissism as Addiction to Esteem,” Roy Baumeister and Kathleen Vohs argued that narcissism is, in fact, more like an addiction than a life-long personality trait. They applied the cycle of addiction—cravings, increasing tolerance, and withdrawal—to narcissism and found that, indeed, “craving to feel superior and the indulgence of those cravings may be the defining feature of narcissism,” and narcissists appear to be “constantly on the lookout for new and greater triumphs that bring them greater glory.” Finally, the authors address withdrawal: “When narcissists receive something other than the admiration they crave—indifference, criticism, disrespect—they exhibit considerable distress.”

Psychology Today

These comments ring  true of Autogynephilia and it would therefore seem reasonable that successful methods for treating Addicted Narcissists might also be helpful here.

Craig Malkin, a therapist and author of Rethinking Narcissism (explained)  “When someone has narcissistic personality disorder and a substance abuse problem,” he said, “it’s not enough for them to beat their drug addiction; they also have to beat their addiction to feeling special.”

Psychology Today

Substitute ‘autogynephilia’ for ‘substance abuse’ and again, the statement seems uncannily accurate.

Practical management

In terms of day-to-day management there are two basic approaches: using drug therapy as discussed above to reduce the intensity of the symptoms; and partial satisfaction of the condition to do the same thing.

However,  AGP, as seen above, is a narcissistic personality disorder that shows similarity to addictive disorders. Extreme care must be taken to ensure that any technique of partial satisfaction does not trigger an addictive binge. The subject here is very much like an alcoholic; one drink and he goes on a bender.

Binge and Purge

This explains why so many AGPs ‘binge and purge’. That is, they buy women’s clothing — often extremely sexualised like basques, frilly underwear, stockings — to masturbate with. (If you think that’s extreme. Mike Bailey, in his book ‘The Man Who Would Be Queen’ describes an AGP who used a prosthetic vagina to hide his penis during his sessions — and such items are readily available on-line.)

After building up to an intense peak of autogynephilic arousal and satisfaction, the subject, just as the alcoholic does, dives into a slough of despond, becomes depressed and ‘swears off’. He then gets rid of all his props and promises never to repeat his ways; but after a few weeks the urge gets too great, he steals a pair of panties from his wife and the cycle is kicked off again.

If the addictive response can be controlled, then management may work.

For example, some men wear women’s underwear or a pair of stockings under male work clothes. Others may isolate AGP behaviourally, confining the indulgence to particular times and places. This latter may be in company with other AGPs (Be warned: these can turn into full sex orgies, so make sure you know what you’re getting into, especially if you’re younger and cuter, as a woman.)

Remember that excessive reward of AGP will make it worse, so that it might take over. The idea here is to control and regulate it, not to encourage it. AGP is not, in itself, either immoral or necessarily bad; it is the massive destruction it can cause to the subject’s life, and those of the people around him, that we should be concerned about.

The good news is that many men succeed in this; it’s only in the last few decades that they have been encouraged to succumb to a pernicious, invasive condition, often by so-called professionals. Until then, most AGPs were covert and died keeping their secret, although there were always a few who ‘came out’. We still do not know what the relative proportions of overt/covert AGP are.

Some AGPs engage the services of trans prostitutes. Many such actually advertise their willingness to participate in ‘dressing’ play and to penetrate their partners, something that AGPs, while ‘en femme’ frequently desire.

Finally, partial or complete social transition might work.  In this, the subject ‘dresses’ in public and may even take feminising hormones. The French artist Marcel Duchamp, for example, had a transvestite alter ego he called ‘Rrose Selavy’. However, he was operating in a Bohemian milieu in New York, where artists were expected to do odd things. It might be harder to get away with in a small town.

I cannot stress strongly enough that Genital Reconstruction Surgery, GRS, also called SRS or ‘sex change’ should be avoided. All AGPs are actually heterosexual men with a personality disorder and removing their manhood is a step neither they, nor their advisers, should ever countenance. (This is the very opposite from HSTS, where GRS is a reasonable therapy.)

AGP and HSTS

AGP is NOT like Homosexual transsexualism or HSTS.

HSTS is a function of Sexual Inversion, or, feminine male homosexuality and masculine female homosexuality. These are also called ‘transgender homosexuality’. While the precise cause is not established, there is significant evidence that it is due to abnormalities in hormone delivery in the womb. Where boys don’t get enough testosterone, they are partially feminised and where girls get too much, they are partially masculinised.

In the most complete forms of Sexual Inversion, full transition is usually required, although this is, to some extent, socially conditioned; in many parts of the world, where the idea of a girl having a penis is at least tolerated, most simply transition socially, that is, they grow their hair, dress as woman, take feminising hormones and probably have minor cosmetic surgeries.

Where GRS is desired and indicated, in the case of HSTS, then, if it is carried out at a young age, the subject will usually pass easily in the target gender and have a full life. All they really need is a nice man to love them and a social place that accepts them. (If MtF, opposite for FtM.)

AGP is a disorder, not a variation

AGP is not a natural variation of sexuality and subjects are no more feminine than the average related male. It is a narcissistic mental disorder and even in places where AGPs transition young and can feminise themselves more effectively, they still rarely ‘pass’. The classic middle-aged profile, most common in the West, has absolutely NO CHANCE of passing, in 95% of cases. Their recourse is to bully others into ‘accept’ them as what they are not — women. Some people, and I am one, find this level of coercion unacceptable and I would urge those affected not to indulge in it. It loses you allies.

Management of AGP must provide a method of satisfying the paraphilia sufficiently such that it does not have severe consequences like suicidality, depression, alcoholism and so on, while maintaining an understanding, on the part of the subject, that he is a man and can never be a woman. He must learn to control his impulses and channel his sexual energy, which is at the root of this, in more positive directions. That will be difficult, especially in the ongoing atmosphere of prudishness typical of the US, which it is, sadly and as usual, exporting, alongside the ‘transition express train’.

Adolescent AGP: an exception to the rule.

The one possible exception to this might be adolescent-appearing AGP. This was not discussed by Blanchard in his original research, because then, it was very rare, but it is described in the DSM.

Teenage-transition AGP is more common in areas like southeast Asia, however. Here, AGPs can become strikingly beautiful transwomen, because they begin hormones at 12-16 years old and come from ethnicities where features tend to be naturally softer. But they are dependent on cultural conditions in the area they live, which are too complex to discuss here and, in any case, simply are not present in the West.

Further, in my experience, many such AGPs will desist (detransition) when their looks fade, typically in their mid-to-late 30s. They may then marry and become fathers. (HSTS don’t; if they ‘desist’, it’s a matter of presenting as highly effeminate gay males rather than transwomen. But I know HSTS here who are well into their 50s, going strong and still good looking women.)

An AGP in this position obviously should not undergo GRS.

Full transition is a mistake for most AGPs.

Finally, AGPs themselves are  told by many, including clinicians, that the best path to take is just to transition. This is a catastrophic mistake for a Western AGP anything much over about 20-25 years old. AGPs are not differentiated morphologically from the broader male population, as HSTS are. Even by 20 they will be noticeably masculinised. They will not slip easily into the social role of a woman.

Transition will cost an AGP everything

An AGP who is married, has a career, children, a house, a car, may look forward to losing ALL OF THAT. The LOT. Although the Western AGP lobby is keen to showcase those instances where women have been loyal enough — or weak enough — to stay with their transitioned husband, this is rare. The price of transition, for most AGPs, is the complete loss of everything they have worked to establish.

To put it bluntly, it’s madness.


Also published on Medium.

15 Replies to “Autogynephilia: cure or manage?”

  1. The devastation caused to families by AGP is unimaginable, even those families which are trying to be understanding.
    Take a look at the case of Debbie Hayden


    Watch Debbie’s wife’s face and reactions when discussing this an tell me she doesn’t exhibit signs of Stockholm syndrome! Only a complete narcissist would do this to somebody they profess to love.

    1. Hi Amanda
      That woman is in shock. I don’t know if you’ve read any of Sam Vaknin’s work on narcissistic personality disorder but it’s chilling. Narcissists really don’t care about the damage they do.

      1. Rod No I haven’t read Vaknin not really something which affected me or those around me personally. I did watch a YT interview the otherday on Benjamin A Boyce’s channel where he interviewed a AGP TS called Robynne M. Complete Narcissist.
        Holy Christ! I had my head in my hands the whole time. No wonder we go stealth if that is what people associate with us.

  2. How does this explain the pubescent boy who fantasizes about sex with other boys? Who enjoys giving oral sex or being penetrated and, is not physically attracted to men.
    He fits the AGP profile except for a few points:
    If he transitioned young, he would have passed because when he had long hair was in fact mistaken for being a girl.
    He liked playing both typical gender games.
    He hated fighting yet was not a sissy.
    He was very empathic to others.
    Who feels if he was born a girl he would have been happier?

    1. Hi J

      That sounds like AGP. IN SE Asia, where AGPs do transition young, they are often remarkably feminine (even if they are six foot!) The tell is really the lack of a homosexual component in your profile. HSTS are always strongly attracted to the same sex; it’s not a matter of ‘being happier as a girl’, they actually are girls (if born male.)

      Having said that. AGP, along with its female counterpart, Autoandrophilia, is on the narcissistic personality disorder spectrum. Narcissists are rarely empathetic, though AGPs may appear to be so, towards women. (But this is a sexual gratification strategy.) If your subject were empathetic towards women and girls but not towards men and boys, I would think that telling.

  3. Hi Rod,
    I think your article is brilliant and so revealing in the dangers of going down a certain path before its too late. You might be interested in my situation as I identify a lot with Einar Wengener(first m-f sex change) in the fact that like him I was a “normal male” that had autogynephellic tendencies then endured about 20 years of very poor physical and mental health(1996-2016) where I suffered chronic fatigue like lethargy until MY GENDER DYSPHORIA EXPLODED OUT OF ME in Jan 2016, my fatigue disappeared overnight and I was so grateful. I did not realise what it meant but very soon I was feeling very real EMOTIONAL DISTRESS alongside sexual euphoria. I at first took it to be My emotional distress BUT as time has moved on to present day I have come to realise as this initially very high dysphoria has DIMINISHED GREATLY but at the expense of very really felt REDUCED MASCULINITY and GREATLY INCREASED FEMININE INFLUENCES felt in my body and mind that the dysphoria I felt so early on was a result of a very weak feminine force within me slowly awakened that has GROWN AND GROWN IN STRENGTH to the point I would only want hormones to make my hair really nice, apart from that I have no need she is so much stronger now. It is like a girl moving into a boyfriends flat you know that she will MODIFY that flat to HER tastes and style. That is what seems to be happening to my body. I am male and PROUD TO BE MALE 9ai was NOT happy with my very ill male body in 2015) but I recognise a lot of what you say in your article makes perfect sense, I recognise I had Autogynephelia and what contributed to it but my Autogynephelia mutated into a situation where I recognise a lot of parallels with what Einar/Lili Elbe went through. It almost feels like my body is transitioning whether I like it or not(time will tell) due to the power of this feminine influence. I will definitely NOT seek to transition as it is madness, I agree!!!. I hope you find my input helpful, any comments or reply welcome.

  4. It’s amazing to finally see my thoughts and concerns about what the path of autogynephilia can lead to written in this post.
    I have no doubts that I am afflicted with it and only wish to be rid of it before I destroy my own life with its self-destructive habits and paths. I’m 24 and I’m not at the extreme level of using toys or crossdressing regularly, but I fear that if I leave it unaddressed, I may be heading there as I have noticed it evolving in me over time.
    What would you recommend I should do to cure myself so to speak in the long term? Is there anything else worth noting?

    1. Hi Dylan

      Well, don’t encourage it. There is no doubt at all that it ruins lives. Only a very few AGP men are even slightly passable and most of those transition in their teens or early twenties. I know they’re always going on about how cruel ‘passing privilege’ is, but the fact is that if you dnon’t look convincing as a woman, life will be hell.

      I will research and write more articles on this and I am developing an info site that will be called autogynephilia.info that I really hope will help

      Regards, Rod

      1. Hi Rod,

        i have been critical of you in the past.
        For this I apologise.
        while you can be a bit rude at times with some things you write, you do a lot of good to keep the topic of AGP alive.
        I commend you for this!

        You wrote here, one of the best articles ever written on Men like Me.
        Its kind, well thought out, and does offer some hope.
        It helped to save me.

        I was on one of those Men who almost lost everything over my Fantasy to turn myself into Kim Khardasian / Nikki Minaj / Megan Fox.
        If not for my Wife, who is an amazing woman, I would probably have killed myself.
        Her capacity to forgive and love, is Christ like.

        I did surgery FFS, slimmed down, built up my glutes, got rid of hair, but never hormones. wonder why??
        SEX as AGPS FEEL TURNED ON BY LOOKING FEMALE.
        As we are not actually Female.
        This is my truth.
        My humility now to say, I was WRONG.
        I apologise to all the people I’ve hurt.

        Along the way, Pyschs Affirmed me. No one really asked enough about
        – my issues with compulsive sexual behaviour
        – Drug issues
        – Childhood abuse and trauma
        – Narcissism (I was a obsessive Bodybuilder before I played at being a Woman)
        – Misogyny.

        We have to look at Affirmation as a model, and question how is this is a good idea?
        Its Not.

        1. Hi Thank you. Sorry if I’m a ‘bit rude’; It’s usually tongue in cheek. I think you make some excellent points in this comment. If my work has helped you then I am both proud and happy. There are many out there who would see me silenced and lose no opportunity to try to do so. That is why I focus on this website: it belongs to me and my web host will not be easily persuaded by the bullies and deplatformers. They succeeded on Quora, FaceBook and Twitter, so my engagement with social media that I do not own and control now is limited. This restricts my reach but I refuse to allow these despicable people the satisfaction of getting one over on me. I personally believe things are changing anyway and the world has had enough of the internet fascists.

          It has certainly been widely reported to me that ‘psychs’ do not probe into the causes of transition desire or gender dysphoria at all. They just go, ‘transition’. But it is not the only solution. Millions of men, over many thousands of years, have been autogynephilic and most kept it a complete secret, with even their families unaware. This means they were able to manage the condition such that they could have normal lives and still indulge it.

          AGPs are NOT HSTS. HSTS have a sexual inversion caused by hormone delivery issues in the womb. Transition, to some degree, not necessarily full surgical, is clearly indicated for these individuals, even if it just comes down to having floppy pink hair and cute ear-rings. BUt for AGPs it’s just not like that.

          One problem is that any feminisation on the part of an AGP may send a completely unwanted signal — that the individual seeks sexual approaches from men. It is a reaction to this that makes so many AGPs so rude and aggressive towards the men who might partner them. Whereas in SE Asia, pseudo-bisexualism is much more common amongst AGPs, in the anglosphere it is rather less so. Most remain both fully attracted to women and repulsed by men.

          Affirmation is not a good model for any AGP diagnosed older than around 16. If diagnosed young, then there is a possibility that social and hormonal transition might work, but I would always be against surgical, unless the subject is fully androphilic, which is rare.

          I am building a new resource which will be called Autogynephilia.info. (We have already launched AllaboutHSTS.com.) I would greatly appreciate it if you would be interested in posting some articles to this site, as I am rapidly running out of time. Please let me know if this interests you.

          Kind Regards

          Rod

          1. Hello Rod,

            while I am wary of spending too much time around AGP and Trans related issues, as I find it very compelling, I do feel I owe it to Men like Me, and the world to write something.

            If you could give me some idea what would be useful in an article?
            I am not a trained writer, so will not be able to produce your high level of content.

            I can write some honest text though.

            I just put this up on Susans.org which I am signing off from. I wont erase all my previous posts on there, as I do want people to be able to see that its not impossible to realise you may have made a mistake.

            Here is the post to Susans. Below. Hope they actually leave it up.

            The erosion of free speech is VERY worrying. Even if people do not agree with You or Me, to not let the idea of AGP be put out there is Orwellian indeed…….

            Hi,

            I understand certain topics are not allowed to be discussed on here, namely the theories of a certain Canadian and a few others like him. Therefore I won’t go there despite feeling to bring them up will help the debate.
            There isn’t currently free speech around Transgender, and like if there is not free speech around religion, this raises issues.

            This whole post will probably be censored, despite my attempts to make it less hard hitting.

            There is a fair bit out there online by the Wives of Men who know ID as Trans Female. Wives of Men who were typical masculine, dominant males, with a history of success in romance with women, and dominant traits. Men who LOVE to get their own way.

            Men like Me.

            What I have to say, is that I no longer ID as Trans.
            While some people are Trans, I am not one.
            IMO, the actual numbers of Trans people are probably alot lower than currently thought and we have to be very careful as a society that we are doing the right thing here.. One Alarm bell should be given that the % of Women who are Lesbian is very Low, why are so many Trans Women, attracted to other Trans Women or women, if they are just as female?

            People have the right to be who they are, just maybe more of us are like Pete Burns than we think. Ie Male, yet desire alot of changes physically.

            I emailed the GIC here in the UK, re applied for a Deedpoll, cancelled more surgery I had planned, and started the process of telling everyone, I made a mistake.
            I have not criticised Trans per se, as that is not the point of my conversation here, more I want to leave a post here, so if someone feels like me, they can at least get some perspective.

            While there is still a desire to look female and this on some level I will struggle with on and off as I have since age 10-14, I cannot honestly say to myself, I feel like a female inside, or born in the wrong body, or find I have much if anything in common with women for socialising .

            In a ideal world I would be able to click my fingers and switch between the bodybuilder I was, and being Kim.

            I desire to look like a very attractive female, Kim Khardasian or Nikki Minaj being the prototype. I also have a Wife who looks like these women. I have treated my Wife badly of late, and that she has stuck with me, and tried to pull me out of a hole, she’s an amazing woman.

            In pursuit of that goal, I alienated friends, turned my life upside down, and ultimately found no happiness.
            I spent all day, trying to think female, trying to act female, trying to do all these things, while at the same time being a little bit aware, something wasn’t all right, and that there was more to this.

            If one were to change the word, Gender Transition for Drugs or Sex with Escorts, what does the above read like?

            Hence why I have never supported Self ID.
            Hence why I feel very uneasy about the statement Trans Women are Women.
            Hence why I feel Children transitioning is a minefield.

            now, Im not here to tell others what to do, all I am saying is please be honest with all yourselves about what your desire to Transition is about, and whether or not it is going to be a good idea.

            Further, if like me, theres a childhood history of Abuse, Diagnosed Borderline (BPD), A history of drug and sexual compulsion problems, and ADHD, and Being a Narcissistic Arrogant White highly educated Male, TREAD CAREFULLY AND ASK YOURSELF –
            Does it benefit me to get what I feel I want, or will it destroy Me?

            Therapists in over 50 sessions, chose to gloss over the above, and roll out the Affirmation model…..Surely as Im White and got a degree, I MUST know what Im talking about……

            Was I trying to be Alexa, out of a history of Shame at my childhood and do I feel Transition will empower me?
            Do I have issues with compulsions, and turn what should be Cross Dressing into a full blown new identity so to legitimise myself and in the process almost wreck my life?

            Food for thought.

            Signing off.

            I have no desire to erase the posts Ive put up, as it can show people something, and that I end up with this last one makes people think .

            Of course, the vast majority of people on here ,will ignore , or even request to censor my views here. However, if I make one person Think About General Principles of their Trans Identity, Ive done my bit.

            Thank you,
            John.

  5. Hi Rod,

    I have definitely “suffered” from this condition of autogynephilia since I was about 13-14 years old. I think I developed AGP at that age as I used to masturbate to “shemale” porn and masturbate in general by imagining myself as a woman during sex at that age. It wasn’t my only form of masturbating (as I did masturbate to heterosexual porn too) but it was common, even though I hated it and I still do. I am 20 now and I have, over time, learned to control it better although it can come back sometimes, especially when I may be stressed about something as it almost comes as something to distract me. Maybe in these times I just let my guard down a bit so it takes over. There is also the fact that I can be tempted to want to buy women’s clothes sometimes too. Other than that, I am well able to neglect it and have been doing good with it.

    My biggest problem however is starting recently to become more evident to me. I have been in a strong relationship with a girl for almost 3 years now and we really love each other, I want to marry her. However, I have always struggled with erections when we have sex. There has been plenty of times where we have had good sex but it seems to be a case of where she has to “help” me to get my erection hard enough to penetrate. Although I am very aroused by wanting to have sex with her, there is times when I just lose my erection altogether. She is very supportive of it all but we have talked about it recently and she has told me she would like me to see a therapist about it so we can have better sex. Obviously I have never told her anything about the AGP but I am wondering if it could be a factor as to why I may be losing erections. Have you heard of anything like this before?

    I have been “experimenting” with myself lately to try to understand this more and I have noticed that I am aroused by the thought of myself as a woman having sex with a man more than I am aroused by the thought of myself as a man having sex with a woman. This makes no sense to me though as I am not attracted to men at all and never want to experience homosexual intercourse and I am very attracted to women. I just want to be able to achieve normal erections during sex with my girlfriend and to not have a tendency to want to be a woman. I want to have a wife, raise a family and live that kind of a life but I am very scared that this AGP may hold me back from that. I want to know if there is any way that I can increase my sex drive towards my girlfriend above the sex drive for the AGP.

    I hope you can answer my question, I would really appreciate it. And by leaving this comment here I hope it can benefit another reader in some way too.

    Thank you,
    Chris

  6. Hello Rod, I believe that I am an AGP, and have been denying the Trans narrative of a woman in a mans body . Still, I have let this thing consume me, and cannot find a therapist or doctor willing to work with me on controlling it. I am on HRT now , and that has really seemed to help. I have a loving ,supporting family, yet I cant help feel that I have caused my wife an estreme amount of stress over the years. I have created a vlog , where I talk about identifying as a man who wishes to be a woman. Just did a book review on THE MAN WHO WOULD BE QUEEN, and received angry responses via Facebook messages. I have been actively involved in the trans community ,here in Chicago for over 30 years, and I could not agree with you more. https://youtu.be/Og6Re72PblI

    1. Hi. The reduction of effective testosterone will have the effect of reducing the dysphoria as this is directly related, in AGP, to sex drive. It doesn’t surprise me that you got angry responses from activists on FB. It’s an absolute sewer to begin with and mobbing is standard there. I hope you can reach a resolution

  7. Rod, thanks for the post and your overall website.

    I have had AGP for a long time, but last year started watching youtube ‘MTF Before-After’ videos, trans-vloggers, then I found reddit’s trans-communities.

    In a year I went from ‘who am I’ to ‘I am nonbinary/genderfluid’ to ‘I am trans and should transition’… I’m even taking low dose hormones right now.

    Recently I had a surge in my desire to transition, but thanks god I managed to find a r/detrans subreddit and read some detransitioners stories – AGP mostly.
    What really stopped me is the FACT that I think, behave, live as a typical GUY, not a woman! Also what I considered to be ‘feminine’ and “that’s what women do” turned out to be misyginistic stereotypes…

    Then I’ve found your Youtube and site (spend whole day reading it).

    Well, thanks for this article and other trans-related articles. They helped me a lot.

    Now I’m gonna find a solution, that would not lead to my life destuction (Transitioning and getting GRS).

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