Any man who willingly has sex with a woman is NOT homosexual. Period. That is because ‘homosexual’ means ‘someone exclusively attracted to same sex from childhood’. A man who willingly has sex with both men and women is bisexual, irrespective of how he describes himself. That applies also to those men who ‘discover’ they are ‘gay’ in later life, after years of marriage. They’re bisexual, not homosexual.
Homosexual male does not equal ‘gay’
Homosexual males are attracted to masculinity, because they have an inversion of sexuality. However, ‘gay’ is actually a lifestyle which comprises homosexual men but also bisexuals, ephebephiles and hebophiles (attracted to teenage boys, basically) non-trans autogynephiles whose fetish for ‘being a woman’ is being penetrated, super-masculine narcissistic homosexuals and even others. And these are all real things, not airhead genders. There is no one ‘homosexual’ lifestyle, despite the ongoing efforts of the New Gay Man thought police to ensure everyone (actually, everyone at all) is properly ensconced under their appropriate label in the LBTQalphabet permitted lifestyle and orientation set.
The Western ‘gay’ lifestyle is only relevant in the West and has no meaning outside it. In most of the rest of the world, society is grouped into ‘men’ and ‘not-men’. This is an ethnographical dichotomy that accurately describes a ‘two group’ society in which being a ‘man’ means more that just being an adult male. It requires consistent conformity to a range of social, sexual and behavioural rules and is policed more or less rigidly, by men themselves. There might be rites of passage that a young male must pass before entering the ‘men’ group and, especially while he is young, he is very much on probation, with the older men watching for any slip.
Men and ‘not-men’
‘Not-men’ is a term widely used by ethnographers to describe the status of homosexual and other gender non-conforming males in traditional societies. It was used by Dr Don Kulick in his research of Brazilian travestis, trans prostitutes, basically; although he did not coin it, he popularised its more general use. The concept is current throughout most of the world and it works very nicely. It precisely describes a culture wherein ‘men’; is a group made up exclusively of males, that is rigidly internally policed in terms of behaviours, and ‘not-men’ is everyone else, including women. In basic terms, if you don’t make the cut as a member of the ‘men’ group, you get put in the ‘not-men’ group. And being homosexual absolutely, in these cultures, disbars you from the ‘men’ group.
These groups, ‘men’ and ‘not-men’ are analogous to the hunter or ‘away’ group and the domestic or ‘home’ group respectively. This is the basis of human society; it is a system that exposes men to the greatest risk but protects mothers and children as much as possible. It has been massively successful.
Membership of the ‘men’ or ‘away’ group is conditional on passing certain tests, rituals etc and behaving in certain ways. Membership of the ‘home’ or ‘not-men’ group is not conditional on anything at all and people in it have considerable freedom of expression.
A male who fails the standard of being a ‘man’ is, by definition, a ‘not-man’. This group is centred on women and the nuclear and extended family or clan. The family is the individual, basic cell in the structure, but it is closely related to the broader clan. Within the family, in these cultures, women reign. The home is a feminine space and it operates on rules set by the women. Men’s behaviour in it is strictly monitored and controlled, not by men, but by women.
The chief of these is the grandmother. The hierarchy is like this: unmarried, childless girls begin with no status. As they mature, their status increases in measure of two things: the assistance they give to their mother in caring for her other children; and their physical beauty.
Following from this, the girl is expected to marry. Having a nice husband increases her status in the family, but not by much. When she falls pregnant and delivers a baby, however, her status jumps. She is now a mother, the basic officer grade in the family. She is like a captain, with her daughters, as she has them, as her lieutenants, with authority over younger siblings.
A woman in a society like this who does not marry, or has an indigent husband who refuses to accept his responsibility to his wife’s family, does not gain status if she has a child. This is because both she and her child are now a burden on the family. She will be too busy caring for her own child to assist her mother.
As a grandmother, a woman becomes a matriarch. Usually, her daughter will be living in the same house, or at least family compound, as she does. As she ages she becomes an great-grandmother and at this point, while her respect increases, her responsibilities decrease and become largely honorary, as running the family finances and businesses become the duties of her own daughters, themselves now grandmothers and matriarchs. Remember that a woman in this culture can easily be a grandmother by the age of 40 or less; great-grandmothers of 51 or 52, still in their prime, are not uncommon.
This group includes all the children, both boys and girls.
Those young males who cannot, or do not wish to enter the ‘men’ group, as they mature, simply remain within it. There are two principal reasons why a male child would not enter the ‘men’ group. The first would be severe physical or mental incapacity. If the child simply cannot function alone and has to be looked after, he can’t join the ‘men’ group. The other reason is femininity. Homosexual boys cannot join, nor can boys who like to dress up as girls. They always remain in the ‘not-men’ group, unless they repent of their ways, marry, have children and support them. They may always be regarded somewhat askance by the other men, but the situation is simple: if you meet the standards, you’re in the club.
Young boys are in the ‘not-men’ group whether they are gay or not and it is only at puberty that those who will join the ‘men’ group begin to gravitate away from the ‘not-men’ and socialise together.
In cultures like this, boys are often regarded as sexual targets for older men. This is because male heterosexuality in these cultures is defined as ‘he who penetrates’. They do not penetrate other men, firstly because they are repulsed by masculinity, but also because these cultures always have taboos against two men having sex. In fact, in many, it can lead to execution. But they can penetrate all the ‘not-men’ they can get away with.
One of the most targeted groups of boys is, naturally, those who are already exhibiting feminine behaviours and attractions. A significant number of homosexual males, known as bekis, baklas, bading etc in the Philippines, report having been raped as children or young adults, often by a family member or friend. Yet this neither is the cause of their homosexuality nor does it discourage it. In fact, they were targeted because they had been identified as homosexual by their rapist; being raped was a consequence of being homosexual not a cause. At the same time, they often report enjoying the experience and continue to pursue being anally penetrated as they grow up.
Also published on Medium.